i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
