Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Randomize
