no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize