I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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