Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
