i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
