whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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