but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
