I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
