He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
