I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
