just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
