You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
