I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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