we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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