She said her name was "party"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
