I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My penis needs a shock collar
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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