I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
