does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
