I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
