I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
