ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize