pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
