So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
