And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize