In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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