She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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