Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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