i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize