if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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