i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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