If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
