please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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