There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
