idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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