And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
