every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
