im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize