Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
