sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
His nipple licking is glorious
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