Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize