I want to have your abortion
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
pop tarts are not kleenex
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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