your thong is hanging out like whoa
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
