it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
