I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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