You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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