We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
