Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
