Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
