just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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