Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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