Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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