Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
