drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
