You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There's always time for handjobs
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
