Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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