Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
