Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
