you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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