I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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