I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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