pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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