Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
