After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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