I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
