"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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