So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
someone owes me an orgasm
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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