After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
