What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
