my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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