alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
