If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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