You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
