Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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