You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
