I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
